January 12th 2013

today we have spent a lot of time with our baby boy, it is so weird how different all the NICU people are some seem like they are trying to just prepare you for the worst and some want to make you think that he is doing really good  but from my understanding he is doing better, he is still really sick and in very critical condition, he is in a lot of pain and they have him on a lot of different medications so he does not feel any pain, and so he does not really move. he is on a lot of different machines and meds that are helping him stay alive and be stable, he has lost about 2 lbs he was born at 8 lbs and now he is 6 lbs and this is a good thing cause he needs to loose all that extra fluid in his bod they have tubes going into his chest and that is sucking the fluid out but the fluid in  his skin needs to come out on its own so he still looks really swollen in his face and arms and legs.i am still feeling really helpless and still in shock i wish i could have him in my arms i miss him being right in my tummy and now i am empty inside and he is struggling and there is nothing i can do but i love him so much and i am just praying and hoping he pulls threw this and is a healthy boy. they also did a bunch of test and xrays and ultrasounds of his body but i have no new information yet, i hope to find out more soon, it is hard to be patient but i know i have to be patient and just have faith that he will make it.