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| My perfect little angel! |
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| The nurse is an artist! |
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he is so small now compared
to when he was born he is
5lbs 9oz now |
I hate getting all this bad news and it has to happen right when i come home, the last few days they have been trying to attempt a spinal tap to get spinal fluid to test for meningitis but rayden could not tolerate being turned on his side and put into a C shape so they said they were not going to attempt again for a few days so that mourning i drove back to saint george and of course right as i am pulling up to my house the nurse practitioner calls and informs me that they did the spinal tap and the results came back and he has meningitis it is an infection in the brain and it is a serious condition, i am so heart broken for him i don't want him to be in all this pain it kills me that i can not have a magic wand or a genii to grant me a wish, i would love to take away all his problems and for him to just be healthy and come home. they took him down for a CT scan of his brain this mourning they are looking to see if there are any abscess in his brain, cause they explained to me what happens is if there is an abscess then the white blood cells go and attack it but they also kill off the part of the brain that the abscess was on so it causes damage to him, the type of damage depends on where in the brain the abscess is at. they just took him down so i will not have the results till later today i am trying to stay strong but i just feel like we finally start to do a little better and then BOOM we are hit with another serious problem, i dont know what to do how much can you push a person before they fall. Of course i dont wish this upon anyone but i wish i could talk to someone who knows exactly how i feel, it is so hard to know what is the right thing to do, it is so hard to stay up in salt lake when i know the girls do not like it there but i dont want to be away from them since chris has already left for his training till the end of march, but i dont want to sit at home so far away from my baby either, i am torn. and my heart hurts for rayden i dont want him to have to have long term issues and they are pretty sure he will, my heart hurts for him i mean i am ready for any challenge life gives me but i dont want to have to see him go threw life "special" cause there are so many mean people out there, and i dont ever want to see my baby hurt or made fun of. i dont know what to think i am hoping for the best and expecting the worst i guess, sorry i am venting but it is the only way i let it out cause i have a hard time expressing myself when i am talking to someone face to face without breaking down, i am strong and i have been strong but i just want the problems to stop i know they will not dissapere and i can not chasnge anything and i did not cause any of this but it is still hard as a parent to see this happen to your precious baby and not think i wonder if i would have done something different? i am still taking all this in and trying to organize myself i guess, i will update everyone with results! thanks for all the supporters and prayers they are much needed and appreciated!
Amy, I had this when I was a baby. If they get it early they'll have better chance. You're a strong Mom, hang on it's a rough rude watching your cold go thru this. We're here to support you!
ReplyDeleteThank you
ReplyDeleteAmy,
ReplyDeleteI was born 7 weeks early and no one was allowed to hold or touch me for my first 6 weeks of life. My mom planned my funeral twice. She told me how she was torn every moment of my stay in the NICU. When she was home with my 3 older siblings she was crushed with guilt that she wasn't by my side. When she was with me her heart ached that she wasn't caring for her children who also needed her, and they did not understand. To this day she says she would not have done a thing different. She spent as much time with me as she could. She knows that her support for me kept me fighting. Every moment you are with Rayden keeps his heart strong. He knows you are there. The nurses would go ahead with a procedure when my mom was away as well. They want to protect you, and don't want you to see him in pain, you already carry such a burden. My mom said that it's easy to resent the nurses for all the time they spend with him and the things they approve while you're away. Just know God knows you need a moment of relief to keep your strength and he is letting them carry the burden a little too. You are incredibly strong, and will make it through this! I wish you all the peace in the world. Much love!
Amy, you are so strong to be able to share your story while going though this rough time. I can't even begin to imagine how hard everyday must be in your shoes. Just know we are here for you and think about you often.I pray your baby gets to come home soon and things get better for you guys.just remember there is no right or wrong answer , your doing the best you can with what you've been given. Love you.
ReplyDeletePs this is sab just using Danny's account.
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