Sunday, May 26, 2013
It has been a long time since i have done a post. Yesterday marked 5 weeks since Raydens passing it has been extremely hard I have been strong but I have also broken many times in the last 5 weeks. It is hard to still see photos of him and find little things of his from when he was here with us like I was cleaning out the couch and found one of his little shoes it makes me sad, and I always hear the maroon 5 song "daylight" almost every time I get in the car it comes on the radio. I miss rayden a lot I wish that he could be here with us I wish that I could see him grow up and have a life with us but I know that I cannot have that with him . Me and my husband have actually done a lot better than I expected us to, I think that we did a lot of are grieving before he was gone because we knew it was going to happen sooner than later. I am very happy to say that when we brought him home they said he would only be with us for a few days and he was home for exactly 4 weeks. I am thankful for every little second I got with him I wish that I could have more timr but I cannot change anything and I'm happy that I no longer have to see him suffering and in pain. My heart breaks because I feel like without him our family will never be complete. He was my only son and my precious baby it is hard yo express exactly how I feel. A lot of people ask if we will try for more kids and honestly I don't know I am extremely scared now I do not ever want to go through anything like this again but also I do not want to feel like I I am trying to replace rayden because no baby will ever be him. I am so thankful we got to bring him home so that everyone was able to meet him and he was able to be a part of our family and he will always have memories of home. Mommy loves you rayden. I am missing you more everyday. Rest in peace baby boy. I know you are watching over us protecting us.